Reclaiming Her Army Doc Husband Page 13

  ‘Suppose that means you haven’t had time to tell her your plans for down here,’ Nathan said when he’d finished.

  Crossing to the window, he stared out. Those plans were up in the air now, apart from the interview on Monday that might mean he had a position in a very good medical centre. He huffed out a deep breath. ‘There hasn’t been much time to sit down and go through whatever’s bugging Vicki, apart from me being absent so much. At least she knows that’s over for good.’ He wasn’t mentioning her nursing agency while he was still getting his head around it. ‘She says hi to Molly, by the way.’

  ‘Moll wants to talk to her when we’re done.’

  Cole looked back at his wife. ‘Not happening. She’s fallen asleep in the short time we’ve been talking.’ What was left of her tea was in danger of spilling over her thighs. He stepped across to retrieve the mug, hoping not to wake her. She didn’t move, even when he lifted her fingers from the handle. His heart lurched at the unguarded expression on her face. She looked so fragile. There were so many sides to this woman, and he loved them all. Right now he wanted to hold her and promise she was never going to have to worry about him letting her down again.

  After finishing talking to Nathan, he headed down to Vicki’s bedroom to pull back the covers on the bed. Returning, he scooped her up into his arms, ignoring the tug on his spine where a niggling ache still made itself known. Back in the bedroom he gently laid her down on her side and pulled the sheet up to her chin. Still she didn’t move.

  He stood watching her, feeling his love ballooning, filling him, making him believe the future would be great. They’d replace the apartment with a house and fill the bedrooms with kids. Get another dog. He’d make her happy.

  What if she wouldn’t have him back? What if the agency was to replace him? Something to keep her focused because she didn’t believe he was home for good? Sydney or Cairns? The niggling questions sent a cold fear through him. It might be a short-lived belief their future was safe. But they had so much to give each other.

  ‘Cole?’ Vicki muttered in her sleep.

  So she hadn’t stopped thinking about him while she slept. ‘I’m here, sweetheart.’ But he’d head off for a snooze so that he’d be on full alert later when they sat down together. To talk about things like how soon could she join him in Sydney? If she was prepared to return there? Why not set up her business there where there was larger scope of medical places to work with?

  ‘I love you, Vicki. Always have, always will.’ His chest expanded, ignoring the caution that he might be rushing this. That he might’ve got it wrong, and there was a lot more Vicki wasn’t happy about. Apart from him being away so much, especially when disasters had struck, she hadn’t said anything else had been wrong with their relationship.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, he let the memories come. Their honeymoon in Rarotonga. The excitement when they’d bought the apartment and moved in with only a bed for furniture. Meeting Benji for the first time, and instantly falling in love with his big brown, beguiling eyes. Those plastic flowers. They had history; good, binding, loving history. Too much to let go.

  Vicki rolled his way, muttering, ‘Cole...’ again.

  He lay down beside her, not touching her, barely breathing, needing to be close, afraid she’d wake up and yell at him to get away.

  But suddenly her arm was wrapping over his chest, and she shuffled closer so her head was against his arm. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he slid his hand into hers and breathed slowly. Damn, how he’d missed this. Another of those simple acts that held so much love and understanding. He relaxed as her scent reached him, and listened to her steady breathing. And continued delving through those memories. Enjoying the good times and ignoring the nagging feeling there was more bad to come. That he’d missed something important.

  * * *

  Vicki smiled as she slowly drifted awake. Everything felt right with her world. Cole’s arm was tucked around her waist, his chest and stomach pressed against her back, his legs touching hers, as his light breaths tickled her neck. She savoured the moment. As she became aware of his arousal heat flooded her body, brought her to wide awake in an instant. ‘Cole?’ she whispered.

  His arm tightened around her, and he kissed the back of her neck, setting her skin tight. ‘Hey.’

  She tried to roll over.

  ‘Don’t.’ His mouth trailed further over her neck and to her shoulder.

  Reaching behind, her hand found his hip and slid beyond to his butt, where her fingers worked their magic on his sexy, smooth skin. Against her backside Cole’s arousal hardened. Then she attempted to push between them to wrap her hand around him.

  ‘No,’ he whispered. ‘Let me make love to you first.’ His hand caressed her breasts, first one until it ached, then the other, her nipples almost exploding with tension.

  Somehow she managed to remove her clothes. Then she was pushing at Cole’s shorts and finally he paused briefly to get rid of them before he returned to circling her nipple while his other hand cupped her sex. And took her straight to the edge. Typical, she acknowledged happily.

  ‘Now. Hurry. I can’t wait,’ she gasped through the haze of need clawing through her. ‘I want you.’

  I’ve never stopped wanting you.

  ‘I’m here, sweetheart.’ And he was, entering her, hard and fast, and they were as one in the best way imaginable. Moving with abandon, Vicki let go all the restraints and worries of the previous months and joined Cole in just being them.

  Her face split into a wide grin as she rolled onto her back and regained her breath. Over before they’d begun. Giving, taking, knowing which buttons to push. It was always like this the first time they made love when Cole came home. Later they’d do it again, except they’d take time to touch everywhere with fingers and tongues, building up the intensity, letting it roll through them in soft waves that slowly built up and up until neither could bear not having the release they sought.

  Reaching out, she ran her hand down Cole’s chest, over his abs and beyond. Hang on. What was that? Running her fingers over his abs again, then further to the side, she felt a ridge. A scar? One of his injuries?

  She sat up, her mouth drying. There was a scar where his spleen had been removed. Trailing her gaze downward, she took in more harsh purple lines on his leg. Leaning closer, she gently ran her fingers over each.

  ‘Cole, darling...’

  Then she couldn’t say any more, her throat blocked with the tears she fought not to shed, her heart beating against her ribs. What if the accident had been worse? What if—? What if a hundred things.

  ‘Stop, Vicki. None of it happened. I’m here, and in relatively good nick.’ He lifted her hand away and kissed her fingertips one at a time.

  ‘But—’ She should’ve been with him. Would’ve been. If he’d told her, asked for her.

  Woulda, shoulda, coulda.

  They couldn’t go back and undo a thing. What had happened had happened. End of. But it wasn’t. The glow receded.

  ‘No buts. Like I said, I survived.’

  Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she stood and picked up her clothes. ‘Thank goodness for that.’

  Cole sat up, and reached for her. ‘Stop torturing yourself, please.’

  She stepped back. ‘I’m trying but it’s not as straightforward as I’d thought.’ There were so many reasons for walking into his arms and moving on. But she was held back by nagging doubts she couldn’t define. ‘Where do we go from here, Cole? You say you want to be a GP. It’s great you’ve got plans for your career, as I have.’

  ‘We can support each other in these choices.’

  She was hearing the man who didn’t tell her everything. ‘Have you been looking for a position?’

  He stepped into his shorts and zipped them up. ‘Yes. It filled in time while I was incapacitated. Neither did I want to sit around fil
ling in crossword puzzles when I could be making major decisions about my career.’

  Anger won out. ‘Come on, Cole. Tell me what’s going on. At the moment it seems like nothing’s changed. You’re making plans without involving me.’

  There was reciprocal anger in the eyes that locked on her. ‘And you haven’t done the same?’

  A strange sense of almost relief hit her. At last he wasn’t trying to placate her about everything, might finally be beginning to show what mattered to him. ‘To a certain extent I have, yes.’

  ‘You either have or haven’t, Vicki.’ He stepped past her through the doorway and headed down the hall.

  Following, she ended up on the deck where he stood, hands on hips, staring out to the road, chin thrust forward. Wanting to escape her? Not until he told her what he had done about a job, he wasn’t. Because now she suspected he’d already found a position somewhere in Sydney. Which was fine, if only they’d discussed it first. She should have some say in where they’d live if they were to remain married.

  Suddenly, he spun around. ‘Which is it, Vicki?’

  It was her turn to stare out. The rain had eased even more, but the yard still looked like a toddler’s paddling pool. ‘Having my own agency is not negotiable.’ Guess that sounded like she was doing her own thing without involving Cole.

  Well, aren’t you?

  Her stomach churned. To think a short time ago they’d made love like they didn’t have a problem between them. There wouldn’t be the follow-up long and slow lovemaking session. Not yet, possibly never. ‘I’ve looked into the financial side of setting it up here and in Sydney. Likewise the feasibility of employing nurses, and the medical centres and emergency rooms that might use my agency.’

  ‘Where have you decided on?’ he ground out.

  ‘I haven’t come to a final conclusion.’ This was where she should be saying she’d been waiting to talk to him about it and make a joint decision about where they lived. But she was equally riled up now. ‘Cairns would be a lot easier. I know a lot of people here, whereas in Sydney—well, the population’s enormous.’

  ‘Why is this so important now? Why not four years ago when I signed up for the military and you apparently told me? That would’ve kept you busy and left no time to be lonely.’

  ‘We were newlyweds and I was busy making a home for us and being there for you whenever you came home. Don’t forget we were living in the married quarters until you went offshore the first time and I chose to return to our apartment.

  ‘You could’ve run an agency from anywhere. Still can.’ He wasn’t buying it. Also ignoring the reminder she’d given.

  ‘At the time I had my dream job in the emergency department so thought I’d wait a bit.’

  ‘You—’

  She stabbed the air between them with her finger. ‘Hear me out. After the miscarriage I couldn’t face going into the department every day, pretending all was fine in my world. It was nowhere near. By then I’d been looking into this idea of mine more thoroughly. When I got pregnant...’ gulp ‘...it seemed a great way to still be actively working while at the same time being a stay-at-home mum. For once I was thinking about doing what was important for me. As well as you.’

  ‘That sounds like an afterthought. You working while raising a child when I can afford for you not to work doesn’t add up to me, and doesn’t tie in with any ideas we had when we talked about having a family.’ Cole was still watching her intently.

  ‘What about my own self-worth? Doing something that I get enjoyment from? I don’t want to get to my fifties and realise I haven’t followed my dreams too.’ She nodded. ‘I know I’d get that from being a mum if I carried a baby to full term.’ She hesitated. That was a question she’d refused to consider before. But seeing Cole’s bewilderment at her ideas made her face up to reality.

  Instantly, his expression softened. ‘Miscarriages are common, and most women go on to have normal pregnancies.’

  ‘The nurse in me knows that. The want-to-be mum has doubts.’

  ‘A perfectly normal reaction.’

  Her smile was tentative. Were they getting back on side? ‘So I’m normal. Thank goodness for something.’

  ‘Did I say that?’ Cole smiled back. ‘Not too normal. That’d be boring, and the last thing you are is boring.’

  This was all very good but once again they hadn’t finished the discussion that had started with what Cole had done about getting a position in a medical centre. ‘Where do you intend working?’

  ‘I’d thought Sydney because that’s where we live. Lived.’

  Nice to have mentioned it. ‘Have you applied for a place yet?’

  ‘I’ve got a third and, hopefully, final interview at a medical centre near Rose Bay first thing Monday morning. The partners have intimated the position will probably be mine. It’s quite exciting, and so different from anything I’ve done before. We could find a house in the area, and even have a boat since the harbour’s on the doorstep.’

  Bang. Exactly as she’d thought. It was like a fist to the heart. Sydney, whether they agreed or not. Discussed it or not. Added in her requirements or not. Where was the heads together, talk about the pros and cons discussion? ‘Did you come here to tell me you’re going to live and work in Sydney regardless of what I thought?’

  ‘Jeez, Vicki, give me a break here. I came because I love you and want to get back together.’

  ‘In Sydney. Near Rose Bay, to be precise.’

  ‘Yes, because that’s where I’ll probably have a job.’ His excitement was waning. Beginning to understand she mightn’t be rushing to join him wherever he chose. That the divorce was for real.

  ‘Did it never occur to you to tell me what you were aiming for? Before you went to your first interview?’

  ‘We hadn’t been talking a lot.’

  ‘That’s pathetic, Cole. You never even tried to tell me. No wonder this isn’t working. You still expect me to toe the line. Sure, I can have my own business—it just has to be where you decide.’ She stared at him, shaking her head in frustration. ‘I don’t believe this.’

  Yet she should. Nothing had changed. Not really, despite everything he’d said this weekend about them being together.

  ‘Here I was, waiting until we’d worked out if we were still together and then where we’d live before making my final decision on where to set up the agency, and all the while you’ve gone ahead with your own plans. That’s not togetherness, Cole. That’s me following you around again. Even if you’re not going away any more, I’m a partner in our marriage. Or I was.’

  Stop. Right. Now. Too much.

  But it was how she felt. Hurt, disappointed, humiliated even. She wouldn’t be accused of not telling Cole what she thought. Not now or later, if there was going to be a later.

  Cole sank onto a chair and dropped his head in his hands. ‘I thought you’d be pleased I was settling into a long-term job in the city where we’ve always been happy. It was supposed to make you feel sure of me and my motives. Look, I’m here for good, no leaving you to carry all the hard stuff on your own any more.’

  The genuineness behind his statement rang loud and clear between them. It still didn’t make the situation acceptable. Vicki pulled out another chair and sat down. Her legs were a bit wobbly and her head was spinning. They’d made wild love as only they could do, kissed until her body melted; laughed, talked, and worked together over the past twenty-four hours. Even argued, spoken of the past and the future, and yet here they were, stuck, unable to move in any direction.

  But she wasn’t ready to give up trying. Not yet.

  ‘Cole, why do you make decisions that involve both of us without saying a word to me first?’ The shock of finding out one day he’d joined the army still had the capability to rock her at times. He hadn’t told her he was actually going to do that either, just mentioned in passing a coup
le of times that he was interested in finding out more about joining up one day.

  He stood up, rolled his shoulders. ‘Want a beer? Wine?’

  May as well. Nothing else was working. ‘Wine would be nice.’ She was exhausted. Her body ached everywhere. The banging inside her head was worse than ever. It would be a darned sight easier to give up trying to make Cole see her side of this and just go with the flow. A lot simpler. And a lot more frustrating, which would eventually lead right back to this moment.

  * * *

  Cole returned with their drinks and a plate with Brie and crackers. The nibbles weren’t so much a peace offering as something to quieten his rumbling stomach, which he hoped was caused by hunger and not despair of ever getting things right with Vicki again. Probably kidding himself there.

  He didn’t sit, instead leaned against one of the pillars holding the roof over the deck and sipped his beer. Vicki was watching him, waiting for an explanation. A long overdue one, true, and still difficult to deliver. More so because he’d shied away from it for so long. But this was the right time. Now or never, and never meant not being able to win Vicki back. ‘I did tell you I was accused of stealing some money from a local charity in our town.’

  Her gaze didn’t waver. ‘You were cleared of it. Or so you said.’

  ‘I was.’ And that was as much as he’d ever told her.

  ‘I don’t understand how you could’ve been accused in the first place. You’re not the kind of person who’d do anything like that.’

  Warmth filled him briefly. ‘Thank you for that.’ He sipped his beer before continuing. ‘If only others had reacted the same way. The town was in an uproar, not because the amount of money taken was well over ten thousand dollars but that anyone would steal from the charity at all. That I would. The fact I came from a well-off family seemed to make it a worse crime in everyone’s eyes.’

  ‘As in your family and friends?’

  He nodded abruptly, swallowed the bile that question had brought on. ‘At first Mum and Dad accepted I was guilty. Then they began listening to me and finally admitted they’d been wrong. Dad tried to make up for it by ignoring those who believed I was guilty and burying himself in work more than ever. Mum became more withdrawn as the loss of her friends hit home.’