The Family She Needs Page 16

  ‘Yes.’

  Silence. Then, ‘I can’t.’

  More silence.

  She finally gave up waiting for him to expand on that. ‘So you’re determined to return to Africa?’

  ‘Yes.’

  That was all she got. Yes, with a load of caution behind it.

  ‘Why?’ She could also do short and to the point.

  ‘It’s where I work.’

  ‘Oh, come on. You sign up for one contract at a time, not indefinitely.’

  Dislike for herself rose and soured her mouth, but she had a battle to fight and listening to her heart right now would not win what she needed from him.

  Then Logan said, ‘The doctors at your local hospital work from one contract to the next, too. That’s how it’s done. They still say they work in Nelson, or wherever.’

  True.

  ‘Aren’t you worried you might get kidnapped again? Or worse?’

  Her heart squeezed so tightly she feared she was having a cardiac incident. A medical one, not a romantic one. She did not want Logan facing danger again. He might not be quite so lucky next time.

  ‘Of course I am—even when the odds are against it.’

  She shut her eyes against the pain in his voice, against his courage and his need. Her chest rose and fell as deep, slow breaths filled her lungs, dribbled out. I need to support him and let him go without laying on guilt for doing what he wants.

  So all she had to do was tell him to go, as she’d wanted to do all along, and yet something held her back. Her obstinate heart?

  ‘I think I understand.’

  ‘Do you? Really?’

  His scepticism drove her to say, ‘You’re braver than me. By a long way.’

  Hiss. The milk had boiled over. She swore. ‘Sorry—got to go.’ Click. End of conversation. Wipe, wipe—milk everywhere. Damn, damn—sob. Rinse, squeeze the cloth—sob, sob.

  Tossing the cloth in the sink, she headed to bed for a long, sleepless night.

  Somehow they had to work together in the morning. Could she pull a sick day? That would work. Not.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  KARINA SURVIVED THE morning by avoiding Logan as much as possible. Later she barely coped when he returned Mickey to her at dinnertime, and struggled with Mickey’s tears and tantrums when Logan walked out through the door to go to his motel.

  When Mickey refused to get undressed for bed she knew with absolute certainty that she had to walk away and let him have his way. She was in danger of screaming at him. And she’d never forgive herself if she let the despair that had dogged her all day form into words to lash him with. None of this was Mickey’s fault.

  ‘Go to bed in your clothes,’ she said, and pulled the covers down.

  Mickey climbed into bed and turned his head away.

  ‘Goodnight, sweetheart.’

  Silence was his answer. Had he been taking lessons from his uncle?

  She cleaned up the kitchen, folded the washing, got some mince out of the freezer for tomorrow night’s dinner, sat at the table with the mail, pushed that aside and got up. Turned off the lights and went to bed. Her body ached with tiredness. Her head was about to split in half. Her stomach was a knot.

  She lay on her back, staring at the darkened ceiling, waiting for sleep to creep in and give her some relief from her thoughts for a while. Waited and waited.

  ‘Karina...’ Mickey stood by her bed. ‘I’m lonely.’

  You and me both, my boy.

  She tossed the covers back. ‘Come on, get in. We’ll cuddle down together.’

  She wrapped her arms around his body and held him close. And finally nodded off.

  To dream of a hot, sexy man with demons in his head and concern for others in his heart...

  ‘Wake up, Karina.’ Mickey ran a finger over her eyelids.

  Rolling over with a groan, she stared at the digital clock. Seven-thirty-five. What had happened? She never slept this late.

  ‘Come on, sleepy head. Time we were up and about.’ She pushed out of bed, feeling as if she’d done ten rounds with a heavyweight boxer. Except she’d never make the end of one bout. ‘You have your shower first.’

  ‘I don’t want a shower.’ Mickey still wore his clothes, and his flushed face was screwed up ready for an outburst.

  ‘Okay, sweetheart, here’s the deal. You can’t go to see Uncle Logan if you don’t shower.’

  Since when had bribery become a part of her repertoire?

  ‘I’ll find you your favourite sweatshirt while you’re getting clean.’

  Blackmail as well?

  He slid off the bed, thumping onto the floor. ‘You can’t come in the bathroom.’

  Since when?

  ‘Promise to wash your face, behind your ears and between your toes? And all parts in between?’

  ‘Will Uncle Logan check?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  Mickey dashed down to the bathroom, suddenly eager to get in the shower.

  She could kill for a cup of tea and some headache pills. Not necessarily in that order.

  She found Mickey’s clothes for the day. Guilt at her handling of his reticence over showering bothered her. Using Logan as a bribe hadn’t been right, but it had been the only thing to come to mind. Unfortunately the chances of Mickey forgetting by the time he saw his uncle were about zero. She’d deal with Logan’s reaction when it happened.

  She opened the bathroom door enough to slip the clothes through, then closed it and went to the kitchen to poke through the cupboard for painkillers.

  ‘Where are they?’

  Shifting recipe books, packets of antibiotics for Mickey’s previous infections, she couldn’t find what she wanted. They’d be in the bathroom cupboard.

  ‘Go away!’ Mickey shouted.

  She’d completely forgotten she was banned from there. ‘Sorry, Mickey, I’m going—’

  His little torso was black and purple with bruising.

  ‘Mickey? Sweetheart? What’s happened?’

  She knelt in front of him, took the towel out of his hands and began drying him ever so gently as she studied every part of him. Had she discovered the reason he hadn’t wanted to undress for bed?

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  He was sorry?

  ‘This isn’t your fault, Mickey. You haven’t done anything wrong.’

  If he’d fallen he wouldn’t have bruises on both his stomach and his chest, his back and his thighs. Leukaemia. The word landed in her brain like a bomb. Leukaemia. The dreaded disease that many children with Down syndrome contracted often first appeared as bruising due to low platelet numbers.

  Leukaemia—with all its treatments and tests and transplants and—

  I’m going to throw up.

  Not in front of Mickey. Swallowing the bile, she struggled to get her stomach under control. Sweat broke out on her brow and upper lip.

  ‘I haven’t been naughty, Karina. Promise.’ Fat tears ran down his face.

  ‘I know you haven’t,’ she croaked, before dropping the towel and placing the softest kiss on each cheek. ‘You’re my man, and my man’s good. Let’s get you dressed and warm, then we’ll call Uncle Logan.’

  She wanted to hug him tight but didn’t dare. What if she added to those bruises?

  ‘Will he be angry at me?’

  ‘No way. He loves you.’ What was this about? ‘Mickey, did someone hurt you?’

  ‘No—o.’

  Holding him carefully against her, she stood up. ‘Let’s get the phone.’

  ‘I’m not going to hospital,’ he hiccupped against her neck. ‘I don’t like being sick.’

  ‘I know, sweetheart. I really do.’ Right now it’s the last place I want to go too, but it�
��s where we’re headed.

  Logan answered on the first ring. ‘Karina? You okay?’

  ‘You need to come home and see Mickey. Urgently.’

  ‘What’s up?’

  ‘He’s covered in bruises. They’re everywhere. What if it’s AML?’ The fear that had started in the bathroom bubbled up, almost overwhelming her. ‘Logan!’ she cried. ‘He’s so small, he doesn’t need this.’

  ‘Karina, stop it. You’re panicking.’

  Great for him to say when there was a tremor in his voice.

  ‘There could be any number of reasons for the bruising. Not only acute myeloid leukaemia.’

  Hearing him enunciate those dreaded words made her skin chill.

  ‘The front and back of his body are covered.’ She kissed the damp head nestled against her. ‘He needs you.’ Damn it. ‘I need you.’

  ‘Hang in there. I’ll check him over, then if it’s necessary we’ll take him to hospital, get the specialists on to it immediately.’

  Hurry up and get here. I need your strength. I can’t do this on my own. Oh, no, Maria and James. Maria, I’m so sorry. Your baby’s sick. I’ve let him down by not keeping him healthy.

  Even though she knew perfectly well that no one could prevent leukaemia striking, the guilt was crawling through her frozen body.

  I am so sorry.

  ‘This is so hard, Logan. What if—?’ She couldn’t finish the sentence. Her throat was clogged with unshed tears.

  ‘One thing at a time, okay? Unlock your door for me.’

  ‘Mickey hid it from me.’ She turned the lock to open. ‘He refused to get undressed last night, slept in his clothes. Then he got into bed with me. I wasn’t allowed to see him in the shower.’

  Now she was blathering. Worse, she couldn’t stop.

  ‘If I hadn’t gone in to get some pills I mightn’t have known for another day. What sort of mother does that make me?’

  ‘The best.’

  A familiar hand touched her cheek in a caress, then removed the phone from her ear.

  ‘The very best.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘That was quick.’

  ‘I was walking out of my room the moment I heard your voice.’ Logan turned his focus to Mickey. ‘Hey, buddy, how’s my boy?’

  ‘I don’t want to go to hospital, Uncle Logan.’

  Logan raised an eyebrow in Karina’s direction.

  She shook her head. ‘I never mentioned hospital.’

  Logan held his arms out to Mickey. ‘Can I hold you and get a hug, buddy?’

  Mickey unwound his arms and reached towards Logan.

  Logan held him as tenderly as he would the finest crystal. ‘Let’s go to the bathroom and you can show me your tummy.’

  Karina held her breath, but the fight seemed to have gone out of Mickey. He cuddled close to his uncle and said nothing.

  Karina didn’t breathe again until Logan had done a short but thorough examination of Mickey’s torso.

  ‘These bruises could’ve been made by impact. With what? That is the question. But I’m not certain about anything. Best we go to Nelson ED and get some blood work done.’

  ‘I’ll get his jacket and shoes.’ She had to get away from those trusting eyes Mickey had locked on her. ‘I won’t be a moment.’

  She sat in the back of the car with Mickey in his car seat beside her. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, as if she might be able to keep the baddies at bay if she didn’t look away. His little hand gripped hers so tightly she’d probably never get the feeling back and she couldn’t care less.

  The trip took for ever, and yet they seemed to pull up in the hospital car park almost before they’d left Motueka. Logan carried him in to the ED and after a short conversation with the nurse on the reception desk they were shown through to Dr Cavanagh, a paediatrician.

  Mickey started crying. ‘I want to go home.’

  ‘Shh, sweetheart. We’re going to make you better.’ I’m not making promises I can’t guarantee. But, damn, she wanted to. Anything to take that misery away from his beloved face.

  Karina took him from Logan and paced up and down, leaving the doctors to their discussion.

  Then... ‘Hello, Mickey. I’m Paddy—a doctor like your uncle. We’re going to go into a little room so you can show me your tummy without everyone else seeing. Okay?’

  His manner was so gentle Mickey didn’t protest.

  It didn’t take long—as if Mickey had worked out that if he did what he was asked he’d get out of there quicker. Even when Paddy took some blood samples he only squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head into Karina’s breast.

  ‘Go get a coffee in the canteen. I’ll be along the moment I know the answer to these.’ Dr Cavanagh held up the blood tubes and a form.

  ‘How do I sit here pretending my world isn’t imploding?’ she asked Logan ten minutes later, when he placed a mug of tea in front of her and put down a juice for Mickey.

  It took for ever until Paddy strode through the canteen, a smile on his face. ‘White cells, platelets and haemoglobin all normal—the rest will take longer. But we’ve ruled out the main players in AML.’

  Tears of relief streamed down Karina’s face, and when she glanced at Logan she saw pools of moisture in the corners of his eyes. Taking his free hand in hers she stood. ‘Come on, Mickey, we’re taking you home.’

  Paddy cleared his throat. ‘Actually, as we still don’t know what caused those bruises, I need you to stick around a bit longer. In cases like this there are certain procedures I need to follow. Mickey, is it okay if I ask you a few questions?’

  Mickey nodded and gripped Karina’s hand.

  ‘Mickey, has anyone been hurting you?’ Paddy asked him gently.

  Logan looked shocked. ‘Are you suggesting he’s being pushed around at home?’

  Karina felt the bottom fall out of her world when only seconds ago she’d started to feel relief and hope. Did the doctor think that she’d been hurting Mickey?

  ‘It’s okay, Mickey,’ she whispered, feeling sick to her stomach. ‘You can tell the truth. Has anyone been hurting you?’

  Slowly, Mickey nodded again. ‘Ben.’

  Ben? Suddenly her conversation with Robyn flooded back to her.

  ‘Is Ben the new boy in your class?’

  Mickey sniffed. ‘He says I look funny. If I try to play with him and William, Ben pinches me and tells me to go away.’

  All the arguments about his not wanting to go to kindy came back. ‘I thought Mickey was being clingy and wanting to hang around with Logan when he refused to go to kindy.’

  She looked to Logan, saw anger and compassion warring for supremacy in his eyes. Not anger ather, surely? Yes, she’d made a mistake, but—

  He tucked an arm over her shoulders. ‘We’ve been worrying too much about the medical and not enough about the human factor.’

  Phew. She relaxed against him. ‘Why would a kid do that to a sweet wee boy who never hurts anyone?’

  Paddy intervened. ‘You’d be shocked at how much of that I see in here. Now, go home, take some time to make your lad feel safe and secure about the world out there, and give yourselves a break. It’s a rare parent who looks for bullying straight away. I’ll call you as soon as I have those other results.’

  So they weren’t out of the woods yet. Karina smiled her thanks for this man who’d dropped everything to see Mickey, even when he was obviously asleep on his feet after a night shift.

  Logan shook his hand and took her elbow. ‘Let’s go. What do you reckon, Mickey? Want to see Mr Grumpy?’

  ‘Do I look like an idiot, Uncle Logan?’

  Karina’s heart froze. ‘No, you don’t,’ she growled, then softened her tone. ‘No, you are not an idiot, Mickey. You’re the best little boy i
n the world.’

  ‘You’re awesome, buddy.’ Logan’s arms came around them both, held them as he breathed through the anger tensing his body. ‘And I thought what happened to me in Nigeria was bad,’ he whispered against her ear.

  * * *

  Back home, they left Mickey with Mr Grumpy, after he’d eaten baked beans on toast for a late breakfast, and headed out to see his kindergarten teachers. Paddy had called to tell them the other tests were normal.

  ‘You were right. I worry too much about the wrong things. I should’ve listened harder to Mickey.’

  Logan took her hand as they walked up the path to the kindergarten. ‘Blaming yourself is a waste of time. You’re a great mother to him. Just keep believing that.’

  The teachers were shocked, but admitted that they had noticed changes in Mickey’s attitude and how lately he’d often avoided going out to play at break time. They hadn’t made the connection between Mickey’s behaviour and Ben joining the class, but when William and the other children were questioned they admitted that they had seen Ben hurting Mickey.

  The teachers assured Karina and Logan that they’d speak to Ben’s parents and it wouldn’t happen again.

  ‘How could they not have noticed?’ Karina snapped as she buckled her seatbelt for the short ride home. ‘We’ll take Mickey out of here and enrol him in another kindergarten.’

  Logan shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t know... This’ll happen again wherever he goes. He’s different, and kids always pick up on that.’

  Feeling let down, she rounded on him, only to have him hold his hand up.

  ‘Hear me out. He needs to learn to stand up for himself—not to run and hide.’

  ‘Sure, Logan, and how’s he going to do that?’

  ‘I’ll be there for him; with him. I’m going to kindy every day until he feels comfortable, and then I’m going to keep talking to him about what happened so he never again thinks he has to hide anything from us.’

  Huh? ‘What are you talking about? You’re leaving in a week.’

  ‘I’m staying. Permanently.’

  Logan hadn’t thought it through, but the moment the words left his mouth he knew it was true. Here in Motueka, with Karina and Mickey, he’d found what he’d been looking for most of his adult life.