Resisting Her Army Doc Rival Read online

  ‘Thank you, Private,’ she acknowledged as she turned in the right direction.

  One step and Madison froze.

  Thick smoke billowed above a hut on the far perimeter.

  A chill slithered down her spine, lifted the hairs on her arms. Her heart leapt into her throat. She forgot to breathe. ‘No.’ The word crawled out of her mouth as fear swamped her. ‘No-o.’ Smoke meant fire. No, please, no. She couldn’t deal with that. Not today. Not ever. Not again. Anything else, yes. Move. Run. Someone could be trapped inside the hut. Move. She remained transfixed, staring at that murky column rising into the air, twisting, spiralling out of control.

  ‘Move, damn it.’ Do something. But her boots were filled with concrete. ‘I can’t.’ Her fingers touched her midriff, not feeling the scars through her uniform, but they were there, as familiar to her touch as her face in a mirror was to her sight.

  ‘Madison?’ Sam stood in front of her.

  She tried to look away from that smoke. She really did. But her eyes had a mind of their own, were fixated with the swirling, growing cloud. As the smoke darkened, horror darkened her soul. Knots cramped her stomach. Bile spewed into her mouth, soured her tongue. Finally her lungs moved, expanded slowly against her chest.

  Strong hands caught her upper arms, shook her. ‘Captain Hunter, what’s the problem?’

  The air stalled in her lungs again. Breathe out slowly; one, two, three. Now in, one, two. ‘There’s a fire.’ She jerked her chin in the right direction as her lungs contracted, forcing hot air through her mouth.

  Sam glanced where she’d indicated. ‘That’s not smoke. It’s a dust whirl. Get used to it. We get plenty around here.’ That intense stare returned to her face. What was he seeing? Apart from someone who should be behaving like a soldier? And clearly wasn’t.

  ‘You’re sure? You haven’t gone to check it out.’

  ‘I’m sure.’

  Her knees sagged, and her shoulders drooped further into his strong grip. Air escaped her lungs again. ‘D-dust I can cope with.’ Phew. She was safe; she didn’t have to rush into roaring flames to rescue Granddad, pull him free of burning timbers. Except she hadn’t managed to save him. A blazing beam had seen to that. The sweat on her back chilled, her damaged skin prickled. Granddad.

  Someone was shaking her. Sam. Of course. ‘Madison, look at me.’

  I can’t do that. He’d see right inside, would know she was a screw-up. Nothing like the confident girl who used to cope with everything and had always been a success. She certainly didn’t used to do vulnerable. Digging deep, she tried to find that Madison, but she was long gone. Burned in the midst of a fire. ‘I’m all right. I don’t mind dust.’ That scratchy sound coming across her tongue was not her usual voice; instead, it sounded like a cat when its tail was stomped on.

  ‘You won’t be saying that for long. It never goes away, coats every damned surface, and gets into places you won’t believe.’

  But it won’t kill me, or scar my body, or terrify me. Or take someone I love. Or change my life for ever. Shaking in her boots, she continued staring at the thinning cloud as it changed direction to head away from the buildings. A grenade had been lobbed at her within minutes of arriving. This place was not good for her.

  Just as well Sam still held her. To hit the ground with thirty kilos on her back would hurt, and write her off as a loser in everyone’s eyes.

  Did he know he was rubbing her arms with his thumbs? Couldn’t, or he’d stop immediately. She didn’t want that. Not yet. She needed the contact, the comfort, which showed how messed up she was. She was an officer in the New Zealand army, for pity’s sake. ‘It’s truly only dust?’

  ‘Yes, Madison, not smoke.’

  The unexpected gentleness in his voice nearly undid her. She wasn’t used to that tone from men any more, and it reached inside to tear at her heart, slashed at the barricades she kept wound tight. She tilted forward, drawn by an invisible thread, needing to get closer. Her brain was begging Sam to wrap his arms around her.

  Her chin flipped up. Under pressure from her pack she straightened her spine and locked her eyes on his. He’d have her back on that plane heading home quick smart if he knew what she wanted of him. Good idea. That’d get her away from here and everything she suspected was going to test her over the coming weeks and months. Something at the back of her mind was pushing forward. I am not a coward. Not even a little one? No. Not even a tiny one. Messed up? Yes. But she would not add coward to her CV. Twisting her head away from that all-seeing gaze, she locked her eyes on the dust that had ripped her equilibrium apart.

  ‘Dust can be a nuisance. Dirty and scratchy.’ Slowly, one shallow breath at a time, her lungs relaxed, returned to doing their job properly. There was little resemblance to smoke in that whirl. She’d made an idiot of herself. ‘Thanks for rectifying my mistake,’ she whispered.

  ‘Any time.’ Sam stepped back, his hands dropping to his hips in his apparent favourite stance, taking that strength and safety with him, leaving her swaying until she found her balance, but like he was ready to catch her if necessary. That she could cope with; the intensity he was watching her with she could not.

  Madison slowly looked around, taking time to get her body back under control. She was a soldier, and a doctor. No one need know she lost her cool at the sight of smoke. Or the smell of it. Or the roar of flames. Except Sam had already witnessed her near breakdown. She could only hope he wasn’t going to be like a dog with a bone until he found out what that had been about.

  She risked a glance at him, and gasped at the worry filling his steady summer-sky eyes.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he demanded.

  ‘Yes.’ The thudding in her chest had spread to take up residence in her skull—beat, beat, beat. She needed to get indoors, away from dust clouds—and compelling eyes that had already seen too much. ‘I’ve never seen dust like that, and naturally...’ Would he fall for this? ‘Naturally I thought there was a fire. I won’t make that mistake again.’

  ‘You’d better not. It would be a hindrance on patrol. You could endanger others.’ His worry didn’t diminish, suggesting he was concerned she wouldn’t be competent enough to do her job as a soldier.

  ‘I think you’ll find I know what I’m doing.’ But reality was sinking in fast. This was nothing like practising back home, however seriously the officers had taken every manoeuvre in which they partook. If she did freak out at the sight of smoke again she might not get away with it. But as long as the camp commander didn’t see fit to lock her up in a padded cell she’d be all right.

  ‘You’d better.’ His worry might be abating but he was still studying her with the intensity of a microbiologist looking down a microscope.

  Which rattled her nearly as much as the dust had. Her vulnerability was rearing up again, pushing out from the corner she worked hard at keeping it tucked into. Sam—or anyone on base—must not find her lacking. Neither could he learn how insecure she could be.

  ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ he asked in a less autocratic tone.

  ‘How long have you served on the Peninsula?’ Suddenly her time here stretched before her, filled with uncertainties. Would she be strong enough to lead troops outside the camp? There’d be no respect from them if she turned into a blithering idiot because of dust. Or smoke.

  ‘Twelve months, give or take a day.’

  She’d do less. Thank goodness for something. ‘Have you enjoyed your tour here?’ Anything to avoid the chasm she was looking into right now.

  His nod was sharp. ‘This has been one of the better ones.’

  ‘So there’ve been others.’ Others that hadn’t been as comfortable, the edgy tone of his voice suggested.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Guess I’ve a lot to learn.’

  ‘Definitely, but we all have to deal with things we
’re not at ease with when we first arrive. You’ll be fine.’ The grin was back, a little forced, but she’d accept it as it made her relax a teeny bit more. For now the danger of falling into that compelling look was far less risky than exposing the vulnerability that haunted her. This was Sam Lowe, a man she could relate to because they came from the same city, had been to the same school, and right now someone familiar was like balm on feverish skin.

  Bet he’s a fantastic doctor. And a good soldier. He’d always done well at everything he did. Yes, she remembered that much about him. The pounding behind her eyes intensified. There was too much to deal with right now. ‘I need to settle into my room.’ She needed to look forward and not back, something she couldn’t manage while in Sam’s presence.

  ‘I’ll see you later in the medical centre.’

  She nodded. ‘I’ll be there as soon as possible.’ And get started on her new job, even if she only got to meet her colleagues and learn the layout of the unit.

  Sam turned away, spun back as though trying to catch her out. The intensity in his gaze had not backed off. Whatever he was looking for, she doubted he found it because finally he shrugged, said almost kindly, ‘Welcome to the Peninsula, Maddy.’ This time he strode away without a backward glance.

  He remembered her friends called her Maddy? Or was it a natural abbreviation of Madison? That was more likely. He wouldn’t remember much about her. Why should he? They hadn’t mixed in the same crowd or been in the same classes. But... A sigh escaped her lips. The way her name sounded in his gravelly voice was something to hold onto. It warmed her when she was already hot, flattened the goose bumps that dust had raised, gave her hope. Hope for what? No idea, but it was so rare she’d hold onto it anyway.

  The pack still weighed her down, pulling so her spine curved backwards, but it was the head stuff that kept her rooted to the spot. That and the man whose long legs were eating up the parade ground as he put distance between them. She felt as though she had too many balls in the air and wasn’t about to catch any of them.

  Trudging towards her barracks, she tried to drag up memories of Sam. He’d been head boy in their last year, captain of his sports teams, a natural leader if the devotion from others wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Officer material for sure. Which said he’d want to be in charge here in the medical unit. Probably was anyway, given he’d been here for a year.

  Too much to think about right now. Exhaustion gnawed at her. Her body ached and her head was full of wool. The heat pelted her from every direction. She was in way over her depth and had no idea how to get out. But she would find a way: after a shower and a full night’s sleep in a bed, and after time to reflect on how she could move forward without blotting her copybook.

  Now, there was a first.

  Could be quite exciting really.

  CHAPTER TWO

  ‘MADISON HUNTER SURE grew up beautiful,’ Sam muttered. But, then, she’d had a good start, had always been cute and pretty, and had kept the guys on the lookout for her around the school grounds.

  Slamming the outside door behind him, he cut off the heat—and the sight of Captain Hunter. He recalled the pert nose, the sweet mouth, and the thick, dark blonde hair that had swished back and forth across her back whenever she’d worn it free of the ties that the school had insisted on most of the time. That mouth wasn’t so sweet any more; tightened quickly as a lightning flash at times. But not in a sulky, spoilt manner. More as if something had hurt her in the past and she was desperate to hold herself together. There’d been a load of fear in her eyes, her face, her stance. What had that been about? Something horrendous that had changed her for ever? That’d be an explanation he could understand all too well. As for the short bob—who’d known how curly her hair was? Must’ve been the weight of it all that had kept it nearly straight back then.

  ‘What had I been thinking when I rushed out to welcome her on base?’ Had he wanted a taste of home? From someone who knew next to nothing about him? They were virtually strangers, had barely acknowledged each other eighteen years ago, mainly because they’d had nothing in common. These days his cocky confidence had been replaced with caution and a blinding awareness of how life could implode in an instant. Drawing everyone close to him no longer happened. Instead, he used the guilt he carried to keep everyone distant. How could he be happy when other people weren’t able to be because of him?

  Drawn to the window like a lad to the candy shop, he stared out at Madison dragging herself towards the officers’ quarters. Tall, slim and, from the muscles tightening under his palms when he’d caught her, very fit. Enough to make a man put his heart on the line. If he had a heart. Which meant she was safe from him. He’d put that particular organ in lockdown two years ago to protect anyone from being hurt by him.

  But he couldn’t deny the blood in his veins. It was heating him, hardening him, reminding him how long it had been since he’d been with a woman. Too long. An oath ripped out of his mouth as the truth slam-dunked him. Unbelievable. He wanted Madison. Minutes after saying hello to someone he barely knew and he was reacting with none of the usual hesitations that instantly sprang up to protect him, and her. Unbelievable.

  He was going to have to pull tight on those bands around the pit that held all his emotions. In a very short time Madison was proving to be a challenge to everything he held close and accepted as his way of life now. He’d have to dig deep to keep her off limits. But he’d had plenty of practice over the last two years, so what was one week of hardship? An impossibility? No. Definitely doable.

  The window was warm against his forehead as he tracked Maddy’s slow movements. Exhaustion folded her in on herself as she hauled one shapely leg after the other. He should’ve taken her pack and dumped it in the barracks regardless of the fact she’d been in a hurry to get away from him. How hard would it have been to do something kind instead of walking away to save his own sanity? There was no answer. Only minutes in her company and she’d begun scrambling his brain like the eggs he’d had for breakfast.

  ‘What’s the great attraction out there?’ Jock called across the room.

  ‘Nothing,’ he muttered.

  ‘So you’re going to stand there all day gaping at nothing?’ Jock was supposedly going through patient records, removing the ones of those staff heading back to New Zealand next week.

  Grabbing the interruption with both hands, he turned around. ‘What’s up? That stack of files doesn’t appear any lower than it did an hour ago.’

  Jock had probably been texting his family and pals at home. Now that they both only had a few days remaining it was getting harder to focus entirely on this tour of duty. Home was beckoning. For him that meant another army base, another round of training as well as working in a local hospital surgical unit until the next posting. More time to contemplate the empty years ahead.

  ‘I hear the new medic’s arrived. Guess we’ll meet her shortly.’

  ‘She’s unpacking.’ You’re going to fall under her spell in a snap. She was everything a red-blooded male could ask for.

  ‘You’ve met her?’

  ‘Long time back.’ Yikes. He hadn’t mentioned recognising her name in the email from headquarters. Now Jock would go for his throat. Sam tried to deflect him. ‘Just passed her on the field, said hello.’ Had seen her become as still as a rock, colourless as marble, staring at something he’d been unable to figure out as though it was going to attack her. He’d caught her before she’d face planted. What had that been about? Smoke, she’d said. Dust, he’d told her. The fear that had blitzed him from the shadows lurking in her eyes had dampened her spark into a dark brown bog filled with hidden torments. Genuine, don’t-hurt-me fear. He hated that. There’d been signs that spoke of pain and anguish, signs she’d desperately tried to hide. And failed.

  What happened to you, Madison?

  No, he didn’t want to know. Kno
wing would lead to wanting to learn even more and before he knew it he’d be getting close to her. He’d seen that fearful look before—in William’s eyes as he’d lain dying. Sam’s head tipped back as pain stabbed him. William. His best friend. They’d clicked the moment they’d met on the first day of training at Papakura Military Camp. The friend who’d never returned home after following him to Afghanistan.

  ‘Sam,’ Jock called, loud enough to break into his maudlin thoughts. ‘You got the hots for this woman? Or is there some juicy history?’ Jock’s expression was full of expectation.

  Go away, man. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon, so Sam went for the obvious. ‘I guess Madison will come visiting when she’s ready,’ he told the man who’d refused to back off from becoming a friend, no matter how often he’d been pushed aside.

  Jock’s head tipped sideways. ‘Something you’re not telling me?’

  The guy was too shrewd for his own good. ‘Can’t think of anything.’

  He got laughed at for his efforts. ‘You’ve fallen for her.’

  ‘In thirty seconds? Give me a break.’ He shuddered at the thought. And that wasn’t because Madison was a horror.

  ‘I’ve heard that’s all it takes.’

  ‘Shouldn’t you be sorting those files?’

  Wrong thing to say.

  ‘So I’m right.’

  He had to shut Jock up fast. ‘You couldn’t be further from the mark. I cannot, will not, fall for a woman, no matter how much she interests me.’

  ‘You ever think it time to let that go, mate?’ One of Jock’s eyebrows lifted nonchalantly, as if he didn’t know the boundaries he was stepping over. But he did, and wasn’t afraid to show it.

  Heat hit Sam’s cheeks as he snapped, ‘Knock it off, Jock. You know the story. Nothing’s changed.’ Anger tightened his gut. He would never let it go. He didn’t deserve happiness when William had died because of him.